I’m glad we remembered to pack these guys.

As Father’s Day approaches, I thought I would start a tradition of writing some fatherly advice to my boys. What follows is the first installment.

Don’t ever let another person think for you. It is lazy and will keep you from becoming the person you were created to be. In your life, some will tell you things that are true. When your mother tells you that you are special and (despite its challenges) it is good to be an empathetic young man, she is telling you the truth. Others will flat out lie and tell you something is true when it is not. Those who tell you that you can only be happy with more stuff or that you are only as valuable as the money you make, the job you do, or the product you produce are liars and con men. Don’t listen to them, and if necessary tell them to, “Beat it!”

In your youth, you will rely on others (primarily your mother and me) to tell you what is true. As you grow up, I will teach you that the world was not created by accident, that an intelligent and personal God who loves you enough to die for you created the universe. Others (some with greater intellect than your dear old dad) will tell you life, the universe and everything in it was formed by chance. You will likely grow up believing what I teach you about these things, but there will come a day when you will have to decide for yourself what you believe to be true. Your mother and I will spend much of your youth building a fence around you. The fence posts will be based on things like safety and our faith, but there will come a day when you will tear down the fence and build your own. I cannot promise that we will always accept your attempts to demolish our fence gracefully. I suspect this will be a messy and difficult point in our relationship, but I can promise we will never stop loving you through the process.

It is good to question the truth statements of others. Don’t be cynical or rude, but ask honest questions to yourself and when appropriate to others. This is true in church as well. Don’t assume people know what they are talking about because they are on a stage or have a couple letters after their names. You will learn some amazing and deep truths on Sunday mornings, but we don’t always get it right. Never be afraid to ask if teaching is supported by Scripture, and when it is, ask if Scripture is being appropriately interpreted.

There is another kind of person who you need to be on guard against thinking for you, people with whom you disagree. In life, you will find groups of people with whom you will generally not agree. It may be a political group or a religious group. If you generally disagree with them, you may be tempted to disagree with whatever they say without thinking for yourself. This is a backwards way of letting someone else think for you. Do not disagree with someone simply because he does not belong to your group. Take the time to examine a viewpoint, research if necessary, and make an honest and informed decision.

My long-winded point to you, my boys, is this, always be thoughtful. You are amazingly intelligent kids. I am frequently amazed at your growth and what you understand about people and the world. You do not need others to think for you. Consider what you believe to be true. Understand your reasons for belief. Be able to articulate those reasons. Engage those who disagree with you. They can help you understand what you truly believe. They can help you better articulate what you believe, and every once in a while you may actually discover they are right.

When we moved into our new house we made three lists of things in need of attention. There were immediate needs, like the can lights that were a fire hazard. There are things we need to do soon like new garage doors, and there are future projects, like redoing an ugly fireplace. Landscaping is another future project. It was an exercise of discipline this weekend to look at areas of the yard and promise myself I wouldn’t touch them until next spring.

Finding my physical limit has been an important spiritual lesson. I am realizing my insistence on doing it all is nothing short of idolatry. You see, if I can do it all, I don’t need God. I can make the grass grow. I can write meaningful blog posts. I can lead the testing efforts of a multi-million dollar project, and I can raise my boys to be men who love God.

Of course, I can do none of these things. God makes the grass grow. Any hope of meaningful writing, here or in the book, flows from a vital connection to the vine. I can’t lead my little part of the project without the Spirit’s help and leading. And anyone who thinks they are in control of their children’s paths is a fool.

The point is, I am realizing I have been worshiping at the alter of control, thinking I can do it all on my own. I don’t know the exact remedy for this issue. I can’t help but think Sabbath will play a role. I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that my struggles come in a season I have a hard time finding a good Sabbath rhythm. One thing I do know, rooting out the idol of control will involve leaning more deeply into Jesus and trusting more deeply in his loving relationship.

You can read the entire transcript of Larissa’s tribute at The High Calling.

Is it because Jesus didn’t care about theology? I don’t think so. There are numerous examples of conversations and theological debates he had with religious leaders. Is it because he often taught in metaphors and parables? I suppose this could be a contributing factor. Let’s be honest, sometimes Jesus is hard to understand, especially two thousand years later in a different culture. But I don’t think this is it either. I think it is harder to build theological statements from the Gospels because theology wasn’t Jesus’ primary concern.

Did Jesus care about atonement? You bet he did, and he gave his life to prove it. Did he teach about atonement in words and action? He sure did. But what was he more concerned about, people having the right theology or people following him? I think the reason it is a bit tougher to build theology on the teaching of Jesus is he is more concerned with relationship than right theology.

Please do not misunderstand me. I am not suggesting we devalue theology. Orthodox theology is incredibly important. We need the help of scholars and Church tradition to keep us from veering off the path, but let’s make sure theology is in it’s proper place. Theology grounded in anything other than relationship with Jesus hollow and useless. I want my theological ducks in a row as much as the next guy, but I would rather be lacking in my theology while earnestly following Jesus than have it all straight without a relationship with him.

If you are unfamiliar with the story, it follows the life of Jean Valjean, a man imprisoned for stealing bread to feed his sister’s children. After serving time in hard labor, he lives on the street struggling to find honest work. One night he is offered a meal and a place to sleep by a bishop known for extreme generosity. The bishop has given away everything of value he received as bishop, everything except the silverware, silver plates and candlesticks. His housekeeper refused to let these go.

At night, while the house is asleep, Valjean steals the silverware and plates. As he makes his escape, he is captured and dragged back to the bishop. This is Valjean’s moment of extreme grace and the turning point of his life. Seeing him in the grip of the police, the bishop says, “Ah! There you are! I am glad to see you. Well, but how is this? I gave you the candlesticks too, which are of silver like the rest, and for which you can certainly get two hundred francs. Why did you not carry them away with the forks and spoons?”

The bishop could have easily bestowed grace upon Valjean by confirming his story. “Indeed. The silverware was a gift.” But he goes further. He gives the thief more than he stole. This is the moment I can’t stop thinking about. It is an obvious metaphor for the grace we receive in Christ. We are in need of his forgiveness, and he gives it. But God goes one further and offers life, abundant life. Forgiveness for stealing the silver is one thing, but receiving and accepting the candlesticks is yet another.

I wonder if sometimes we accept the forgiveness but refuse the candlesticks. I wonder if we can be too satisfied with the security of our eternal destination and refuse the invaluable gift of eternal, abundant life.

These are true statements, but they represent a very narrow view of the Gospel. My generation saw something was missing. The emphasis on conversion didn’t seem to lead people to love the poor, oppressed and marginalized, people Jesus cared about a great deal. So, we focused on justice. “If you love Jesus, you will love like he did and serve the poor, fight against human trafficking, etc.”  This is also true, but it is a narrow view as well.

On this blog, I have spent a number of words on going deeper. “An emphasis on conversion or justice doesn’t deal with the transformation of our inner character,” I often wrote. “We need to follow Jesus. We need to be disciples so we can be transformed from the inside out into the people God created us to be.” This is still true, but I am starting to wonder if my emphasis on formation, like an emphasis on conversion and justice, makes an outcome the centerpiece.

The conversion approach focuses on what happens when we die. The justice approach focuses caring for the oppressed and the marginalized, the formation approach focuses on the transformation of our inner character. These are all outcomes. They are important, but we are making the result the point? Do we need to go deeper still?

Maybe it is okay to start with the end in mind. I suppose we all first came to Christ for selfish reasons.

There is nothing wrong with these desires. They are good, right? But where do they all start? With ourselves! The focus is on what I want, what I get out of the deal. But this isn’t the foundation of the Gospel. The Gospel, at its core, is not about what we get, but who we get.

The Gospel is not about being saved from hell or helping the under resourced or even our transformation into Christ-likeness. The Gospel is about relationship. Its not relationship so that <fill in the blank>. It is relationship for the sake of relationship. What if our motivation for entering relationship with God was not what we could get out of it, but simply so that we can be in relationship with God?

Lil’ Vader

Teaching our boys to be independent is very important to me. Personality theorists will tell you this is typical of someone with my temperament. Teaching our boys to think and act for themselves is a high value. So a common conversation with our three-year-old goes something like this, “I’m not comfortable with you playing outside where I cannot see you. Here are your choices. You can play in the backyard where I can see you, or you can play inside until your brother wakes up and then we can walk to the park.”

Of course, we have done this long enough that when asked to do something undesirable (like picking up his cars) he will respond, “That is not one of the choices.” Other times we give options and he refuses to choose either, preferring to hang his head and sulk in his bedroom.

I was thinking this weekend how much easier it would be if we didn’t give him options. What if we didn’t allow him to choose playing inside or out, wearing the robot or truck pajamas, or having a turkey and cheese sandwich or PB&J? What if we dictated his life and told him where to go, what to do and who he could have as friends?

Forget for a moment that C is three and a half. Forget that his very nature would blow through those kinds of boundaries like the Kool-Aid man through a brick wall. Imagine if he followed my direction to the letter. That would be easier, wouldn’t it? No tantrums. No arguments. Just simple and total obedience. That would be nice, but would it be better? I don’t think so.

I doubt a great relationship is the outcome of that parenting style. It wouldn’t result in a boy who thinks independently, and honestly, I just don’t think it’s a very loving way to parent. I want our boys to make good choices, but how can they learn to do so if I don’t give them the freedom to make bad ones? I want them to do the right thing because it is right, not because I told them so. Which is the greater good, choosing it by your own will or being forced to do so?

I wonder if this is why God gives us freewill. It would have been easier for him if he didn’t give us the option to betray him. He could have created humanity preprogrammed for obedience, but which is the greater good, someone who chooses it on his own or is controlled to do good? If God is the ultimate good, how could he choose the lesser good? What about love? Which is the greater love, the one freely chosen, or the one without a choice? If God is love, how could he choose the lesser love?

I like putting our little Bam Bam down because it is a peaceful moment of quiet connection with him. And I get to pray for him. I can pray for him anytime, I know, but I really enjoy these moments of prayer. My prayers in recent days have been fueled by the horrific acts of evil dominating the news. A couple nights ago, I found myself praying a prayer I knew God wouldn’t answer. I asked Him to protect the little guy, to never let anything bad happen to him.

Photo courtesy of aloucha via Creative Commons

If you’re a parent, you are familiar with the prayer. As soon as the request crossed my mind, I knew it was unanswerable. God doesn’t promise to keep us from experiencing pain. We live in a fallen world where we continue to suffer the painful consequences of our own sin and the sins of others. Didn’t the parents of children at Sandy Hook pray the same thing? What about the parents of the children at the Boston Marathon or the three girls enslaved by Ariel Castro?

My heart breaks just thinking about my sons being victims of evil. I cannot imagine the mental anguish parents face when watching their children suffer. Then I remember God knows exactly how they feel. He watched his own son suffer a death that was the origin of the word excruciating. God understands our anguish. He has experienced it himself.

I wonder when his anguish was more intense, while he watched Jesus being tortured and murdered or when Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane. In Luke 22, Jesus knows what is coming, and he asks God if there is another way. He asks his daddy to let this experience pass.

Imagine watching your child stressed to the point of sweating blood asking you to save him from the pain and separation he is about to endure. It turns out Jesus wasn’t the only member of the Trinity to sacrifice at the cross. Can there be any doubt how much God loves us?

1000 Days by Jonathan Falwell is one of those books. Its premise is what drew me in. Christianity is concerned with more than just life after death. Our lives between accepting Christ and going to heaven is more important than we tend to acknowledge. Falwell looks at the life and teaching of Jesus during his period of active ministry, roughly 1000 days, and seeks to understand how it impacts the way we live our lives.

One of my concerns with 1000 Days is its lack of a clear definition of happiness. The book appeals to our shared desire for something more from life. While I agree there is a deep longing in each of us that can only be met in God, his closing statement is a bit troubling. “This is the promise: Jesus will set you free from a life of dissatisfaction. He will answer the longings of your heart.” Is this true? It might be, or it might not. It depends on your definition of “the longings of your heart.”

I don’t believe 1000 Days teaches a health and wealth perspective of the Gospel. Later he writes, “The pivotal point in our relationship with Christ is when we begin to follow Him for the right reasons, when we determine to keep going even when we see it won’t be easy.” He acknowledges the Christian life is not easy and prosperous, but I do wish there was greater clarity about this.

Frankly, this is a pretty light introduction the topic, but I am use to reading people like Willard, Wright and Jethani who hit the topic with more strength and depth. But while it is light, it is not bad. One of the values of the book is its strong call to those who profess to follow Jesus, but prefer to follow him from their armchairs. There is a consistent call to participate in life, to get up and follow Jesus, and that is something I can support.

All in all, 1000 Days is a fine book. I give it a solid B.

Photo credit: Bohman via Creative Commons

We believe we possess the right to choose virtually anything we want, and if we hear even a hint of our rights being infringed upon, we respond with incredible vigor. Pro-choice advocates are afraid of regulations on the sanitation and safety of an abortion clinic because they believe it will lead to the restriction of a woman’s right to choose. And gun advocates are against universal background checks because they believe it is the first step in the government taking away all our guns. We are so afraid of losing our right to choose we give up common sense.

Freedom is an incredible gift bought at a great price. I am grateful that I live a country with the right to free speech and assembly. I am thankful for the freedom to choose what I watch and read, but how does our view of freedom fit in the kingdom of God? Is our culture’s view of freedom (All things are permissible as long as they do not impose on another’s right to choose.) compatible with the kingdom of God?

Throughout the Gospels, Jesus confronts people whose hold on one thing or another keeps them from fully following him. There are the three men in Luke 9, the Rich Young Ruler in Mark 10, and even Nicodemus came to Jesus in the middle of the night (probably because he was concerned about what the other Pharisees would think). I often wonder what sort of things we might be clinging to a bit too tightly? Today I am wondering if choice is a common distraction from following Jesus in the American church.

Choice, when you really get down to it, is a way of keeping ourselves on the throne of our lives. It keeps us in control, and is directly opposed to the starting point of following Jesus, surrender. Political freedom is great, but we cannot confuse it with the freedom offered in Christ. And we need to be vigilant against our high value of political freedom infiltrating our lives as disciples, a life built on the foundation of loving surrender to the will of the Father.